I'm really beginning to second guess this whole.. group I was thinking of joining. Never thought that would happen.

Man, oh man. My signif. <3

Signif and I are becoming very involved, and I honestly don't know how to feel about it. We've been talking since January, and it's April now. It's been constant, which is something I haven't had since M. I have all these different thoughts running rampant in my head about him. I trust him so much but I don't trust him at all. I've opened up to him about a lot of shit I didn't expect me to. Everything we do is more than what it seems like. When we kiss, there's something deeper there. When we have sex, there's passion there. I get butterflies in my stomach when he hugs me, or winks at me like a douchebag. We're both falling for each other.. him, harder and faster, maybe, but I'm definitely a few steps behind. I'm intrigued by everything he has to say, and I know that when I talk, he's listening. But I also know that his ex still pines for him. I know they communicate, if not all the time, definitely some of the time, and he told me they don't talk. They have history; that's something I can't compete with. I'm conflicted. I don't know what's going to happen when she gets back. I refuse to have him try to play me. I refuse to have him walk away from me at the same time. These are the emotions that I tried to avoid, but it's too late. Guard up?

I got my period. Crisis avoided.

I'm beginning to turn into a very paranoid person. Simple things invoke fear in me; I worry about everything. I started birth control two months ago, and tomorrow I'm supposed to start my period. I missed two pills when I first started this pack, made them up and by the end of that week, I had sex without a condom. He didn't come in me, but the thought is still in the back of my mind. I haven't been late or missed a day since then, and of course I'm terrified that my period that's supposed to show up tomorrow, won't. I may have good reason for this paranoia, though, huh. I guess all I can do is wait.

It's quite late and I don't have time to start a grand introduction of myself or my life. But, then again, no one knows about this blog so I doubt I have to introduce myself at all. However, I feel for my own sake that I should.. but I'll do it tomorrow. I have class at 8am. I'm not going.